Avinash Rohra 
Date Everything! Review: When Your Toaster Has More Game Than You Do
In a gaming landscape increasingly dominated by photorealistic graphics and complex mechanics, sometimes the most refreshing experience comes from the utterly absurd. Enter Date Everything!, a game that takes the dating simulator genre and throws it headfirst into the most wonderfully bizarre premise imaginable: what if every object in your house was not only sentient, but also desperately wanted to get to know you better? After spending considerable time with Sassy Chap Games’ debut title on PC, I can confidently say this isn’t just another quirky indie-it’s a masterclass in character-driven storytelling disguised as the year’s most delightfully unhinged dating sim.
Home is Where the Heart(s) Are: What Makes Date Everything Tick
Date Everything! positions itself as a sandbox dating simulator, but that description barely scratches the surface of what developer Sassy Chap Games has accomplished. Set entirely within the confines of your suburban home, the game revolves around a pair of mysterious “Dateviator” glasses that allow you to D.A.T.E.-Directly Acknowledge a Thing’s Existence-any object you encounter. What starts as a simple acronym quickly becomes the gateway to one of the most ambitious character rosters in gaming: 100 fully realized, anthropomorphized household items ranging from your reliable refrigerator to abstract concepts like existential dread.
The genius lies not in the absurdist premise alone, but in how seriously the game treats each potential relationship. This isn’t a collection of throwaway gags masquerading as characters. Every dateable-from the flirtatious bed sheets to the anxious smoke detector-arrives with their own personality, backstory, and relationship goals. The game spans genres effortlessly, functioning simultaneously as visual novel, life simulator, and social experiment wrapped in gorgeous hand-drawn art and supported by an absolutely stellar voice cast.
Unemployment Blues: A Story of Second Chances and Synthetic Love
The narrative setup cleverly grounds the fantastical premise in relatable modern anxieties. Your character begins the game as yet another casualty of corporate downsizing, unceremoniously fired on day one of a new remote position and replaced by AI. It’s a sharply contemporary touch that gives emotional weight to what follows-when those mysterious Dateviators arrive at your doorstep, they represent more than just a bizarre technological marvel. They’re an opportunity for human connection in an increasingly isolated world.
What impressed me most during my playthrough was how the game uses its seemingly silly concept to explore genuinely profound themes about loneliness, purpose, and the meaning we attach to our possessions. The writing never condescends to its own premise. Instead, it finds surprising depth in conversations with characters like Memoria, the boxes of memories stored in your attic, who challenges you to examine which experiences deserve preservation and which should be discarded. These aren’t just cute anthropomorphizations-they’re thoughtful meditations on our relationship with material culture and emotional attachment.
The overarching narrative structure gives players agency in shaping not just individual relationships, but the entire emotional landscape of their living space. Each interaction contributes to a larger story about rebuilding your life, one conversation at a time.
The Art of Digital Seduction: Gameplay That Actually Works
Where Date Everything! truly shines is in its deceptively sophisticated relationship mechanics. The game operates on a day-night cycle that allows you to interact with five characters per day before your Dateviators need recharging-a brilliant pacing decision that prevents the 100-character roster from feeling overwhelming. This limitation forces meaningful choices about which relationships to prioritize, creating genuine investment in your daily decisions.
The conversation system utilizes a S.P.E.C.S. point system tracking five core attributes: Poise, Smarts, Empathy, Sass, and Charm. These stats don’t just gate content-they influence dialogue options and determine each character’s path toward “Realization,” the process of transforming from anthropomorphized object to fully human companion. It’s a surprisingly nuanced progression system that makes character growth feel earned rather than automatic.
Most impressively, the game offers three distinct relationship trajectories for every character: Love, Friendship, and Hate. This isn’t just mechanical variety-it’s thematic sophistication. The option to genuinely dislike certain characters (looking at you, pretentious shower) without penalty creates space for authentic emotional responses. Some characters are designed to be grating, others seductive, still others genuinely touching. The game respects your right to respond accordingly.
Combat, in the traditional sense, doesn’t exist here-and that’s entirely the point. This is conversational gameplay at its finest, where dialogue choices carry real weight and relationship building becomes the primary challenge. Compared to more rigid dating sims like Persona or Fire Emblem, Date Everything! feels refreshingly organic and exploratory.
The Good, The Bad, and The Beautifully Bizarre
Pros:
- The voice acting deserves special recognition-every single one of the 100+ characters features professional vocal talent that brings remarkable personality to what could have been one-dimensional jokes. From Felicia Day’s energetic performance as your Dateviator guide Skylar to the smooth, seductive tones of household furniture, the audio work elevates the entire experience.
- The character design and writing demonstrate incredible creativity and emotional intelligence. Each dateable feels genuinely distinct, with personality quirks and storylines that often surprised me with their depth. The game tackles everything from polyamory and asexuality to trauma and anxiety with surprising nuance.
- Visual presentation remains consistently charming throughout, with over 11,000 hand-drawn images supporting the narrative. The art style perfectly balances whimsical character design with genuine emotional expression.
Cons:
- The sheer scope can become overwhelming despite the daily interaction limits. With 100 characters to track, maintaining meaningful relationships requires significant time investment that may frustrate players seeking quicker gratification.
- Pacing occasionally suffers under the weight of ambition. Some character arcs feel more developed than others, and certain storylines can drag when spread across multiple in-game days.
- The game’s experimental nature may alienate traditional dating sim fans expecting more conventional romantic scenarios. While this boldness is often a strength, it occasionally feels like innovation for its own sake.
Target Audience: Who Should Take This Romantic Plunge?
Date Everything! works best for players who appreciate narrative experimentation and character-driven storytelling. If you’re someone who enjoyed the quirky relationship dynamics of Dream Daddy or the life simulation aspects of Animal Crossing, this game offers a perfect middle ground between absurdist humour and genuine emotional investment.
Dating sim enthusiasts looking for something genuinely fresh will find plenty to love, though newcomers to the genre might find it an ideal entry point due to its accessible mechanics and welcoming tone. The game’s celebration of diverse relationship types-including explicitly platonic and asexual options-makes it particularly appealing to players seeking representation often absent from traditional romance games.
Casual players should approach with realistic expectations about time investment. While individual interactions remain light and accessible, fully exploring the game’s content represents a significant commitment-one that rewards patience with genuine surprises and emotional payoffs.
Final Verdict: Love Actually Lives Here
Date Everything! succeeds brilliantly at being exactly what it promises: a game where you can literally date everything. But more importantly, it uses that ridiculous premise as the foundation for some of the most thoughtful relationship mechanics and character writing I’ve encountered in recent memory. This is a game that understands love, friendship, and human connection well enough to find genuine meaning in conversations with anthropomorphized kitchen appliances.
The technical execution matches the creative ambition-gorgeous art, exceptional voice acting, and surprisingly deep progression systems create an experience that respects both its own absurdity and its players’ intelligence. While the scope occasionally threatens to overwhelm, and some pacing issues prevent it from achieving perfection, Date Everything! represents the kind of bold, heartfelt game design that makes the indie scene so vital.
In an industry often obsessed with bigger, louder, more complex experiences, there’s something deeply refreshing about a game confident enough in its own weird charm to let you fall in love with your furniture. Date Everything! doesn’t just work despite its bizarre premise-it works because of it, proving that the most meaningful connections often come from the most unexpected places.
Score: 4.5/5
Whether you’re seeking genuine romance, platonic companionship, or just want to tell your refrigerator exactly what you think of it, Date Everything! delivers an experience unlike anything else in gaming. Sometimes the best relationships are the ones you never saw coming-even when they’re with your coffee table.
This review of Date Everything is based on the PC version, with a code provided by the game’s publisher.
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